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catch a rain

November 2010

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blue morning, blue morning

Looky at me! I'm still doing this. 
This is completely crazy, but I'm smiling so I guess it's okay.

Well, to put a little journal-ness in here, this was my day:

Last night I didn't get to sleep until a little past two in the morning because I couldn't stop thinking. I can hardly remember what I was thinking but I remember that my stupid little head went on an insane tirade about every injustice that the world and I have supposed to have endured.

I remember condemning my pre-cal teacher for not actually teaching us anything more than the instructions on a microwave pizza box and charging my principle for the failings of our education.

I remember going on a crusade to every place where people were dying and I beg them to understand that no matter what the game, no one wins at war.

I remember spinning words for stories that I’ll never write because I can’t remember the stories anymore.

I just remember bits; I met her in the middle of the maelstrom; He took shelter there, from everything and everyone; She could paint you an ocean, but she couldn’t paint a sea.

I knew last night that all these things were pointless, unreal and definitely caused by my lack of sleep. 
But that didn't matter. I still thought them and I couldn't sleep for them. 

It all eventually came back around to my stupid worrying about school and all the people that I know, don't know, and how much I wish things were different. 

I do this all the time and I really shouldn't.
But most or the time I would rather just fictitiously stand up against all the slings and arrows instead of having to really face them.

Anyways, my actual day today was very normal. Woke up at 5 a.m. and hit the snooze three times before I actually decided to put that smile on.
Got to school at around seven and met my boyfriend. The usual; I love him and I think I could be in love with him but I'm just not.  I thought maybe tomorrow will be better and I'm still waiting for it.

Then I saw my best friend. She always makes me happy to see her. I feel like we could be sisters sometimes because I love her like my family. I know she'll always be there for me and I hope that she knows that I'll always be there for her. 
Then I saw my other best friend and I love her too. She's another one of my wishes, but that's for another day.

After that classes started and everything moved in the usual haze that it does of tests, hellos, deadlines, musical chairs and bells.

So all in all, today wasn't so bad.

Three Random Things About Me

I don't want to waste my life.
I want to go to Boston.
My biggest fears are humiliation and my own self.